i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
