Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
