You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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