I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
