I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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