Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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