Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
