If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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