the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
