Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
