your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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