I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
