My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
