You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
