none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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