woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
