Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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