I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
