I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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