Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
