All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Houston, we have a squirter
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
