Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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