I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
