I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
