I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
