just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
