ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
