Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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