Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Sober January is a disaster.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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