and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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