so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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