I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
