I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am one with the molecules
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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