He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
