quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
