with your own penis?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
