I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
