i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
