He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
