Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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