How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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