I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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