Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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