I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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