I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
