Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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