Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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