i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
