Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
