You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
