Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
