I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
