im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
