I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
