you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
