I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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