I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
