I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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