i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
