Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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