If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
