Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
