Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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