hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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