Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
