Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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