What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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