he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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