I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
