i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
