PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
