Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
