we're blogging at a bar
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
