It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
