nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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