Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
