The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
