I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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