he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
