I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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