My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
