There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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