Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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