you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
