god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
